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Walking Contradictions

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Text Comments (3210)
Leroy Lowe (6 months ago)
This is like the Opposite Sketches from You Can't Do That On Television.
Basher Theories (7 months ago)
I thought the graffiti guy was spraying "School Rulz"
Harrison Carhart (1 year ago)
He's an EMT but his badge says paramedic XD
Demon kitty's Art stuffs (1 year ago)
You have beautiful eyes
Its His Fault (1 year ago)
This came out when I was 6.. :o
Ramiro Belmares (1 year ago)
I think it would be hilarious if they did a sketch where parents didn't let their kids sleep 😂
Henry Lange (1 year ago)
This is an excellent example of good comedy techniques. The only one i see on TV/ Film is the getting caught and then " you're doing it wrong" one
StablerNose 720 (1 year ago)
Is anyone in? Knock once for yes and twice for no!
Embodingsnow67 (1 year ago)
Do as I say not as I do because The shit's so deep you can't run away I beg to differ on the contrary I agree with every word that you say Talk is cheap and lies are expensive My wallet's fat and so is my head Hit and run and then I'll hit you again I'm a smart ass but I'm playing dumb Standards set and broken all the time Control the chaos behind a gun Call it as I see it even if I was born deaf, blind and dumb Losers winning big on the lottery Rehab rejects still sniffing glue Constant refutation with myself I'm a victim of a catch twenty two I have no belief But I believe I'm a walking contradiction And I ain't got no right Do as I say not as I do because The shit's so deep you can't run away I beg to differ on the contrary I agree with every word that you say Talk is cheap and lies are expensive My wallet's fat and so is my head Hit and run and then I'll hit you again I'm a smart ass but I'm playing dumb I have no belief But I believe I'm a walking contradiction And I ain't got no right I have no belief But I believe I'm a walking contradiction And I ain't got no right...... Oh wait wrong video
Trevor Meck (1 year ago)
ISIS: "love to America" Liberals: "love to America"
Rex Appleby (1 year ago)
to be honest despite fermi's paradox the chance of life evolving on other planets is really high especially in the vastness of space.
Nectar (1 year ago)
These aren't really contradictions..
Eliza Roe (1 year ago)
this is the name of a Green day song
lxjoe96 (1 year ago)
Stopped the video immediately after the church joke cause i knew the action would be down here
Jack Johnstone (1 year ago)
jokes
Evan SAMAA (1 year ago)
I clicked thinking it's a parody of green day. Anyone else?
Nunya Business (2 years ago)
Do as I say not as I do because the shit's so deep you can't run away.
bs (2 years ago)
"YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES!" lol
Ray Tavarez (2 years ago)
oh i have one: lgbt muslims
N. Faza (1 year ago)
We have lgbt muslims too currently
Supernoxus (2 years ago)
You know, I am sick of people constantly saying that you have to interpret religious material in a certain way. I have seen all kinds of christians and muslims. From peace-loving and all accepting people to rampaging murderers with no remorse for anything other than not having killed everyone yet. And you get that from interpreting religious material differently? Like, really? How much worth is a religion if it can be interpreted in any way you want? At this point it just fits as a mean to enforce your personal belief system. If I want to kill people I don't like, then I interpret my holy book in a way that it tells me to kill them. If I want to accept gays, then I look for parts of my book that tells me somewhat that it is okay to accept them. People can make those books say anything they want. It's shit.
Alden Peirce (2 years ago)
+jelly donut Agreed. Muslims who genuinely think that gay people should be killed are few and far between. Admittedly, most Muslims do think that homosexual acts are sinful, but not the quality of being gay itself. However, like in all religions, there is a good minority of people who believe that homosexual acts are NOT sinful. I am one of these people, and know of others who believe the same. It all depends on your interpretation of religious material.
jelly donut (2 years ago)
+Ray Tavarez obviously not. The only people throwing gays off buildings are isis. The same isis who bombs mosques during Ramadan and killed Muslims for not being "the right kind of Muslim" isis is as muslim as the KKK is Christian
KawaiiHD (2 years ago)
Why does this look like it would be a way better world to live in?
Hingle McCringleberry (2 years ago)
Darwin Chapter 5 verse 6?? Where is that church?? I want to pay some tith.
Clicint (2 years ago)
"I DIDN'T THINK ANY OF THIS WAS FUNNY!!11!1!ONE!!" Good for you, your sense of humor has obviously risen above the rest of us common folk.
AwesomeJoe1 (2 years ago)
why does the cop look like jared fogle
Paco (2 years ago)
What about a retired kamikaze pilot
qzniel (2 years ago)
This was stupid. Also, it wasn't funny. So there's that.
Keaton Smith (2 years ago)
That third one reminded me of Life of Brian. "What's this? Romanes eunt domus? People called the Romans they go the house?"
Evan Plite (2 years ago)
more like anti stereotypes
Diedisser (2 years ago)
believing in conpiracies does NOT make you a tinfoil wearing crazy. a lot of conspiracies turned out to be true. martin luther king once got a letter from the cia suggesting he should kill him self. during the prohibition, when alcohol was illegal, some beverages with liquor have been poisonod in order to stop people from drinking alcohol. there are more examples that are even worse. I'm saying this because of 0:21 in the video.
The Pikachu Brothers (2 years ago)
0:47 I don't get that scene. Also, please do more of these videos!!
kerbe3 (2 years ago)
+The Pikachu Brothers I think those are hippies, who stereotypically wouldn't be working for huge corporations, yet there they are.
Slashbash (2 years ago)
Interestingly, a Catholic priest was the one who conjured up the Big Bang theory.
Slashbash (2 years ago)
+Margaret Madole No problemo.
Margaret Madole (2 years ago)
Thank you for pointing that out.
Gerick Glockner (2 years ago)
0:31 this is actually funny I'm not even mad I'm impressed
Matiya024 (2 years ago)
Is the church of evolution a real thing? no? alright, I'm starting it
Ben Glaser (11 months ago)
Anyone else here an adherent of Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption?
N. Faza (1 year ago)
In my city there are the Church of Jesus Christ the Scientist
gurvmlk (2 years ago)
+Matiya024 So will it be the Church of Gravolution?
Knugen av Swärje (2 years ago)
The Roman Catholic Church has recognized Darwinian evolution for the past 60 years so...
AlphaOmega1237 (2 years ago)
+sfoth91 I am on the toilet as I read this. XD
Ninja Cat (2 years ago)
did someone call the green day fans?
melody1300 (9 months ago)
YES I THINK I WAS CALLLED
Ninja Cat (2 years ago)
Touchè +Alison Gold​
Alison Gold (2 years ago)
No.
Nick Hannah (3 years ago)
I found absolutely none of these funny. I didn't even smile at one.
Bellamy Chae (3 years ago)
All this argument about religion. If there's a problem, get off your fat arses and do something about it. Debate is delay in these times; there is only action and inaction, and I act therefore I have worth. In shorter terms: Wot the fuck ye gonna do about it mate?
gurvmlk (2 years ago)
Nowadays, people seem to think that blog = action.
CrackedLogic Politics (3 years ago)
I've arely seen any angry religious people, except for a few saying that its possible for religious people to believe in evolution. You know what I HAVE seen? ALOT of people (most likely) pre-emptively saying how butthurt religious people are all over the comments... 0,o
Spyblox007 (1 year ago)
Yeah. I bet it's just people trying to get attention.
Memento Mori (2 years ago)
Thats true as fuck these days. Happens all the time...
Patient Grasshopper (3 years ago)
Life of Brian already did the correcting how to do graffiti bit.
AB (2 years ago)
+Benny W   Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Superdarkcloud666 (3 years ago)
I wanted to see a nymphomaniac telling aspiring couples how meaningless sex is without love.
fishworshipper (2 years ago)
+TheObsidianX You can just have him make out with a guy.
TheObsidianX (2 years ago)
Jordan Jones same problem, what does a homosexual male look like so that you can tell right away
Jordan Jones (2 years ago)
+fishworshipper I wanted to see a homosexual male who hates men
fishworshipper (2 years ago)
+Superdarkcloud666 A dominatrix would be better, as it's easier to visually identify them as such.
TheCondorjc (3 years ago)
Since yall religious people get mad at a little/subtle reference, I shall say FUCK your ghost stories
Jason Russo (3 years ago)
Now that's a service I would attend, way more interesting.
Joshua Pappas (3 years ago)
You had to put the US Army South patch on that guy WHY!?! I wear that patch!!!!
Clicint (2 years ago)
Well... YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES!
Lena (3 years ago)
For some reason, that was ridiculously entertaining.
backstop87 (3 years ago)
Ha! I get it. The Paramedic is really an EMT.
Coffee Sloth (3 years ago)
I used to be an EMT and there are things that gross everyone out. Nobody is totally immune to grossness.
Brian Thomson (3 years ago)
I think you meant to say irony.
Claire McCoy (3 years ago)
YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ben Zorgon (3 years ago)
+Claire McCoy No....
David. Vox Populi (3 years ago)
Walking Contradiction: Virgin Teen.
XerasDezarrys (3 years ago)
+David. Vox Populi hey.... yeah...
waldoman7 (3 years ago)
that priest is catholic.  catholic doctrine has been neutral on evolution for years, and in practice the majority of catholics believe in it.
ŊƐƗĐŞǻŇðĶİŇǤ (3 years ago)
0:25 monty Python reference?
pathetic mortal (3 years ago)
evolution is the change in allele frequency. allele is a variation of a gene. therefor evolution does not disprove god.
pringelsthegamefreak (3 years ago)
Atheists are walking contradictions!!!!!!!!!!!
White God (3 years ago)
+pringelsthegamefreak Elaborate.
Jayton Hawkins (3 years ago)
51% of Baptists believe in Evolution and Natural Selection as the mechanism put in place by the God we believe in. I am one of that growing 51%.
David. Vox Populi (3 years ago)
Well said, man. I know physicians who still follow religion. It seems to be a simple matter of heavy cultural conditioning.
David. Vox Populi (3 years ago)
+Evan Stidham That's why you draw a line between myth and fact. Why don't you take Allah seriously ? You know that you'll burn in Hell if you don't worship him, right ? Science is a human concept - atoms are not.  If you took God seriously, then you'd be out there slaughtering people of foreign faith, homosexuals, and women who don't want to marry their rapist. You've chosen to embrace willful ignorance in fear of a God. There is a potentially infinite amount of Gods and their Hell, thus if any God exists - you'd still be going to Hell for being so evil that you'd believe such a place exists.
Garbage Marsupial (3 years ago)
Why would god need the big bang and evolution to create life? Is it that hard to take what God says seriously that you need to convince yourself that he needed science to make everything when he, himself made science.
gio (3 years ago)
did anybody think about monty python after this
Annie Trinity (3 years ago)
I want a pet homeless Neil Degrassee Tyson!
Dying Breed (3 years ago)
the stock exchange one i thought was really funny.
Hemaima Proctor (3 years ago)
That last one though
supersummer17 (3 years ago)
That's not just any homeless man, that neil degrasse Tyson, astrophysicist
Aaron Luu (3 years ago)
Where are the oxymorons?
Anonymous (3 years ago)
Religion gets hinted at = Religious folk go apeshit. Every. fucking. time
Indian Martial Arts Research Group (1 year ago)
I love CollegeHumour. Cant believe why I didn't sub earlier.
narkfestmojo (1 year ago)
I never see religious people going apeshit in youtube comments, lots of people seem to out raged by it though
Really Bored (3 years ago)
+tzokke I don't know about that, I watch documentaries that talk a lot about evolution, and the most common thing you get from religious people is "God makes beautiful creatures" or something similar. Of course there's always a few that say something but nothing compared to a reversed scenario. If the documentary mentions something about creationism atheists will go crazy saying that the documentary teaches nonsense/fairy tales to children and will even go as far as saying legal action should be taken against the creators of the film for doing so. It goes both ways, but personally, as an agnostic being on the internet far more than I should be...I see atheists bash religion more. However, I still respect anybody that chooses to believe or not believe what they want.
Connor Lee (3 years ago)
0:31 Can everyone just get it through their heads that Catholics believe in evolution?! Please!!!
Charlie Kerman (3 years ago)
Religion with DESTROY us
Nick Josef (3 years ago)
WHY IS EVERYONE TAKING THESE VIDEOS SO SERIOUSLY GODDAMN CHILL THE FUCK OUT ITS JUST THE INTERNET, AND SOON THE INTERNET IS GOING TO BE REGULATED SO DON'T RUIN IT
WarbanderLasty (3 years ago)
why the hell is there a policeman in a School?
TrackSpider (3 years ago)
My high school has about 1 cop per hallway and I live in a rich white neighborhood.
Dorrus (3 years ago)
+mrklawonn Yeah, it's like a federal policy or something now.
Dorrus (3 years ago)
+WarbanderLasty Not really, but better to be safe than sorry.
WarbanderLasty (3 years ago)
i could not imagine what it would be like to go to school with that as a possibility, is it that serious over there?
Dorrus (3 years ago)
+WarbanderLasty Probably because all of the recent school shootings. The cops that are already at the school have a chance of stopping one, if it ever happens. If you are wondering, they do carry guns.
Aditya Lakshmanan (3 years ago)
was that toby mcguire?? the kid with the spraycan??
Castiel Winchester (3 years ago)
I thought the title said contractions. Now I am just disappointed
chris sto (3 years ago)
"In his encyclical Humani Generis (1950), my predecessor Pius XII has already affirmed that there is no conflict between evolution and the doctrine of the faith regarding man and his vocation, provided that we do not lose sight of certain fixed points.... Today, more than a half-century after the appearance of that encyclical, some new findings lead us toward the recognition of evolution as more than a hypothesis. In fact it is remarkable that this theory has had progressively greater influence on the spirit of researchers, following a series of discoveries in different scholarly disciplines. The convergence in the results of these independent studies—which was neither planned nor sought—constitutes in itself a significant argument in favor of the theory" --Pope John Paul II
John LaG (3 years ago)
Before anyone talks about Darwinism, Google the fucking Cambrian explosion.
paul weston (4 years ago)
0.27 Intertextuality ??? or just plain stolen from Monty pythons, the life of Brian. 
STER Gaming (4 years ago)
The next time someone asks you what a walking contradiction is and it's hard for you to explain, show them this clip.
VisionaryTomcat (4 years ago)
What about the homosexual football fan
Rich Tea (4 years ago)
Why isn't this a series??
Jessica Corlichsdcghj (4 years ago)
So many butthurt religious comments, Jesus Christ people chill the fuck down...
Molli wopper (4 years ago)
the last one was funny
D P (4 years ago)
almost sharable. almost.
Andrew (4 years ago)
God is a lie
Jessica Corlichsdcghj (4 years ago)
I'd love to see more of these this was funny as hell :D
Alex Stribley (4 years ago)
i know its a joke and all that, but the odds of there being other life beyond the earth are actuallypretty much 100%. even if you factor in all the hundreds of factors that needed to happen so life could grow upon earth and think that the chances are slim. put it this way. there are a million billion strars in our galaxy and over a million other galxays........the odds that not one of those fucktonillion stars has a reasonable sized planet, orbiting at a habitable distance to not be too hot or cold, whilst also having a great enough gravitation pull to keep hold of an atmosphere, and said atmosphere to contain the right amount of oxygen that cells of an organism can  convert into energy???....pretty damn slim
volt (3 years ago)
+kaelan moyes Dont know if anyone has told you this, the observable universe is 91 Billion lightyears and the actual universe is totally unknown, thats taken right from wikipedia, and it could totally be infinite.
Macdeas (3 years ago)
How does the organism get created in the first place?
Kaska (3 years ago)
+Alex Stribley  shut the fuck up and stop trying to cause arguements on this fucking video 
Paradox1559 (3 years ago)
so now were going back to this whole theory thing. this is all theoretical, based on what a bunch of dusty farts think after taking months on the same equation.(maybe not months anymore) how can anyone say anything for sure, ive sat and stared at a loaded gun pondering this question, and accepted it. i was going to be a physicist, and i know why your scared to let go of the wildly accepted beliefs. its because whenever someone comes up with a truly brilliant original idea, the scientific community shoots them down and burns the body.they wont even listen, or think about it out of fear they will be next, it almost seems like a witch hunt. 
Kaelan Moyes (3 years ago)
+Pyro Dominus the observable universe is expanding at the speed of light to leave it would require speeds faster than light also our observable universe is not relative the COSMIC MICROWAVE BACKGROUND if you haven't heard of it is in the same place wherever you are in the observable universe but let's just ignore the speed of light for a second and say you could leave the observable universe everything beyond what we can observe is entirely irrelevant and can have no impact n us so there's no reason to even consider breaking light speed just by a little to keep up with the expansion of the observable universe you might as well say yeah sure you can escape an event horizon if you wanted to no you can't and nothing ever will now please go back to your game for nine year-olds and leave this talk to the adults here the educated ones
DEMONCOOKIE666 (4 years ago)
The Sergeant guy was hilarious.  I don't get the Stocks one.
FouwiiMedia (4 years ago)
It's supposed to be hippies going into stocks. It's funny because hippies normally say "screw that stuff" 
Lucy Hunt (4 years ago)
Doublethink
Roshir (4 years ago)
I'm religious, but I found it funny. Go cry some more defensive people.
May Floydweather (4 years ago)
ive done the going to bed early thing as a kid. only if my mom wanted me to unload the dishwasher or something tho
Raven Blood (4 years ago)
The first one was the best, fucking hilarious xD.
I6Y5 (4 years ago)
The Roman Catholic Church not only accepts but promotes evolution. So this is a very wrong portrayal. A Baptist minister should have been used instead.
The Censorious Critic (3 years ago)
+Tony Stark They don't if it's a organized religion that responds to the Catholic Church's officials.
Tony Stark (3 years ago)
+kurasa otaku local******************************************************** astericks mean things right?
Supa Bambam (3 years ago)
What if that was a Scientology church or a Jewish church?
AranelEruvyreth (4 years ago)
Catholicism teaches theological evolution. I don't know why you had to put that in there seeing as most Christian faiths teach some sort of evolution. All you're gonna do is start a war in your comments section.
Diagloop Loop (4 years ago)
nuclear missles fired .....
shelbymustang1994jd (3 years ago)
"This is a Civil Defense Broadcast....Why not to worry about a Nuclear Holocaust, Nuclear weapons are nothing to fear, they are completely harmless, if you ever see one in your city, walk outside and look directly at the explosion, make sure to walk toward the rising fireball, let the blast wave and extreme sun-like temperatures flow right through you, if your not as close to the fireball and if some dust begins to fall from the sky, embrace it, stick out your tongue and taste it, its just like snow, now if by some chance you live too far from the nearest city that was struck, go to the very center, find the nearest puddle or water source to ground zero and have a drink , it will be the cleanest water source in the world, all of your family and friends will be fine, there wont be any extremely harsh, unlivable futures ahead of them, so you've nothing to worry about...this concludes your Civil Defense Broadcast."
HockeyWerewolf (4 years ago)
The actual fuck.
Internet Police (4 years ago)
Wow I think this comment sections average I.Q. just went negative.
50% Banana (3 years ago)
Yep.
AndroidDoctorr (4 years ago)
0:31 - is that the Ow My Balls dude from Idiocracy??
Austin Pierre (4 years ago)
The church one isn't a contradiction if you think about it.
HodgePodge218 (4 years ago)
actually look up where Charles Darwin is buried lol. 
Erik Burns (4 years ago)
I surprised you didn't put a fat personal trainer.
Arrow Head (3 years ago)
Uh... Gay football fans are common.
VisionaryTomcat (4 years ago)
I was thinking a gay football fan
Nick F (4 years ago)
*Sees video* "Time to grab some popcorn!"
G Nk (4 years ago)
I have seen the last one actually happen.
Dumb Ass (4 years ago)
Whats so weird about someone who believes in God to also believe in evolution, I do.
1aundulxaldin (3 years ago)
I think you're trying to mix oil and milk together.
1aundulxaldin (3 years ago)
+Erik Burns Hmm.
Erik Burns (3 years ago)
The theory of evolution is based of off genetics which has been proven wrong before. I do think that the world has changed and we've adapted, while there have been mutations in people and the animal kingdom, those traits hardly pass off to offspring.  
Rayo Carn (4 years ago)
your a little late to the conversation...
The Censorious Critic (4 years ago)
Well the Bible contradicts evolution so if you believe both you are a walking contradiction. How hard is it?
LastCynicStanding (4 years ago)
For everyone crying about the religious stuff I would point out that the Big Bang theory was created by a Catholic Bishop. I bet you did not know that if you got angry.... eh?
Khaine's Lair (1 year ago)
Einstein was an agnostic, either a Muslim or Ancient Greek invented algebra (there's debate on which), etc. Religion is poison to science, but religious people can still contribute. Ever hear of cognitive dissonance?
Redeeming Cypher (3 years ago)
Am I too late to join the party?
mastercaster02 (3 years ago)
+LastCynicStanding I don't know what you're referring to, so this is my official, government-backed reply to your previous statement: "Okay."
LastCynicStanding (3 years ago)
+mastercaster02 Actually he was a Jesuit which is a big can of worms you simply are not equipped to open. 
mastercaster02 (3 years ago)
 Except that I said that most religious people would say he's not a true catholic, not that I would say he's not a true catholic. What I said that is if he "believes in his own theories" he's not a true catholic - which is entirely true, because part of being religious is accepting the doctrine, not coming up with your own. But I digress. It must be handy for somebody like you to be able to name some random "fallacy" logic that immediately usurps your necessity to actually respond to my point with your own point, rather than what some philosopher of logic decided makes an argument irrelevant. Here's the fact - I can easily find a fallacy to fit literally every argument, therefore rendering literally every argument irrelevant, therefore rendering debate irrelevant, therefore rendering democracy irrelevant, therefore rendering myself Fuhrer.
OverthereLook (4 years ago)
lol oh i thought the emt was going to act like a cop.
pofuno (4 years ago)
yeahhh that first one sounds just about right for army basic
Dakota Taylor (4 years ago)
Coming from a Marine. Ha!
TechMoviesOfCod (4 years ago)
There is absolutely no one in the comments fighting over fucking religion. Shut the fuck up.
Bob Kolterjahn (4 years ago)
I don't really get the one with the stock market.
Aidan MacLean (4 years ago)
A little late, but those who work there typically are all white, conservative men in suits, and instead they are hippies in casual clothes. 
VassalofGod (4 years ago)
wait, a priest teaching evolution is a walking contradiction? I see that all the time
Krshwunk (4 years ago)
+lucas utke Yep.  In fact, the theory of evolution doesn't even originate from Darwin.  The first modern theory of evolution was invented by Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, who was a Catholic.  Most Christians don't have a problem with evolution.  It's tends to be just very vocal groups in America.
Lucas Utke (4 years ago)
+john smith while I agree with your belief in evolution, i think that evolution was not created to disprove god; it was created as an alternate theory of the development of mankind. in my opinion, science is not as aggressive as to ever directly make theories just to disprove god, rather, I think true science is something that ignores god, and the people who believe in him, and continues to increase the knowledge of mankind, regardless of insults and rejection.
John Nicholson (4 years ago)
im catholic, once had a priest that had a masters in physics
JoeyAktosh (4 years ago)
+Occifer Jehons I know Pokemon evolve...